My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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