i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
