you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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