we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
