please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
