Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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