Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
