I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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