Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you never un-have a 4some
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
