worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
