I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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