I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
