Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
