this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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