The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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