I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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