Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
