New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
