Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
