Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
