I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
