I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
