Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
