woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize