I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
