i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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