The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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