btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
