google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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