i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
