I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
