I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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