I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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