she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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