My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
