Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk is not a location!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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