we have officially lost it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
