You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
