why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
