i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
