She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
