i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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