My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
