when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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