Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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