i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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