So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize