Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
