I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
