I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
