how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
