but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
