I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
