I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
