are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
