I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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