Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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