please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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