ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
