About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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