I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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