why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
