Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
