I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
