I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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